Toxic Monogamy Culture
Toxic Monogamy Culture. That’s a phrase that showed up in my Facebook feed a few days ago. I had a brief discussion on line about it and decided it was a great topic to discuss in detail. Facebook interaction is always lacking in depth. There are just too many angles and points to be covered in a Facebook post. And besides, the usual leftist failure to have an argument brings an abrupt end to the discussion. Name calling or that’s your opinion and you are bad for having that opinion are the usual culprits. But there was one comment that caught my attention and spurred my interest in delving more deeply into this topic.
The comment was from a young lady who stated that if her mother had let her know that there were other options for relationships outside of marriage that she would have been able to make better decisions or something like that. It was really sad. I know maybe it sounds like just another youngster blaming their parents for their failures but I was touched by the underlying despair that came through in her comment. We are failing our daughters in ways we never imagined possible. Women in their 30s today are unhappier than they have ever been before. They have been, and continue to be misled, by the only women they know to trust. Their friends, their teachers, their peers, and worst of all, the media heroes. They even find support for misguided ideas via social media. It appears to them that they have “friends” that agree with them. In reality, they are communicating with others just like them. Others who are unhappy just like them. Internet memes support their despair.
The particular meme I want to address goes like this:
- The normalization of jealousy as an indicator of love
- The idea that a sufficiently intense love is enough to overcome any practical incompatibilities
- The idea that you should meet your partner’s every need, and if you don’t, you’re either inadequate or they’re too needy
- The idea that a sufficiently intense love should cause you to cease to be attracted to anyone else
- The idea that commitment is synonymous with exclusivity
- The idea that marriage and children are the only valid teleological justifications for being committed to a relationship
- The idea that your insecurities are always your partner’s responsibility to tip-toe around and never your responsibility to work on
- The idea that your value to a partner is directly proportional to the amount of time and energy they spend on you, and it is in zero-sum competition with everything else they value in life
- The idea that being of value to a partner should always make up a large chunk of how you value yourself
That’s it. That is the list of statements made by nankingdecade regarding “What I mean when I say ‘toxic monogamy culture’.” What immediately stood out to me was that these elements exist in relationships that don’t exist in reality. They exist in the minds of those looking out at the world and evaluating what they see through a very distorted lens. In truth, it’s the idealization of one or all of those involved in any relationship that promotes toxicity. This statement tells you loads about the person who wrote it. This is typical leftist thinking – if you can call it thinking – it really doesn’t involve deep thought at all. It involves projecting your banal ideas about your life onto society in general.
Today’s ending song is written by Phil Coulter and performed by Celtic Thunder. The choruses are in Gaelic and translated it means Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy. Enjoy!