Power of Influence
On the subject of the power of influence, I want to talk about some of the most important interactions you will have with your children and others close to you. Your actions have much more influence than you will ever be able to transfer with words explaining to children about how to be a good boy or girl. It is the interactions with your partner, your spouse. And the interactions you have with your parents and your siblings. In each of these relationships you are different because you play a different role with each person. Your child will learn how to play roles through observing your interactions with all of these people.
Your child will learn how to be a dad or mom or aunt or uncle or grandparent by your example. And I want to make one last point about interacting with your children and that is the importance of making sure they feel they are safe.
The bond and associated power of influence starts at birth and continues past adulthood, in my experience. The first is that attachment bond. It is not the same thing as you feeling love for your child. It is actively created early in your baby’s life. I have another reference in the notes to an article that describes it more fully. And there are additional links from that article to others on how to create and maintain that bond. It must be created and it must be maintained.
But here is a short part of the article, and it is from Healthguide.org their tagline is “Trusted Guide to Mental, Emotional, and Social Health”:
“Developing a secure attachment bond between you and your child, and giving your child the best start in life, does not require you to be a perfect parent. In fact, the 2000 study found that the critical aspect of the child–primary caretaker relationship is NOT based on quality of care, educational input, or even the bond of love that develops between parent and infant. Rather, it is based on the quality of the nonverbal communication process that takes place between you and your child.”
I see a great gap today in what we should be teaching our children and what they have been left to learn on their own. Or it is left to daycare workers and school teachers. Those people have taken the place of mom in exercising the power of influence. And as a society we are apparently unaware of the power of influence that the environment is instilling in our children. Oh there is a lot of talk and supposedly highly educated people talking about you should do this and that. Kids should be taught these skills and schools are not doing it and so on. There is even talk about how much influence the environment has on kids and how they should be left to more freely express themselves when they are young. Let them run around naked and don’t shame them. But then you shame your husband and they learn it that way.
There is far too much focus on the doing and far too little on the being. It is the being of yourself that influences your child. It is that 93% of non-verbal communication that is getting the message across to your children about what it means to be a decent human being in this world.
Way back in the day before cable TV and on-demand programming, there used to be only 3 channels and they would sign off the air every night with the phrase “It’s 11:00. Do you know where your children are?” and my final word today is “It’s 2017. Do you know what your children are learning from the power of your influence?”
The quote for today’s podcast comes from Robert B Cialdini: Our best evidence of what people truly feel and believe comes less from their words than from their deeds.