Vulnerability and Control
Vulnerability and controlling the anxiety that accompanies it can be scary for anyone. But as usual, I’m going to address how this affects the female gender. I will again speak in generalities. There are always exceptions. Some will experience what I am about to describe much more than others. Some women may hardly recognize it at all. Some men may experience it more strongly than some women. It is inevitable that we have all variations. Our world is a wondrous collage of infinite variations.
However, there are certain propensities toward one behavior or another that have contributed to the continuation of all of us. I am speaking of gender roles. Some of us feel really compelled to and exhibit these behaviors strongly. We must be role models and lead and also inform others as to why these roles exist, to the best of our knowledge, and also how to deal with them. We must share our wisdom regarding how to live within the parameters of what we have been given.
We exist in a world today where women have increasingly insisted on removing themselves from the protection naturally afforded them over millennia by the men who would do them honor. They reject the gender roles that have insured their continued existence. They have increasingly insisted upon taking on more and more of the roles formerly filled by the men in their lives. I spoke last time about how this has made them unhappy. Today I want to talk a little bit about the conclusion I have come to that this rejection of the feminine gender role comes out of a deep insecurity and lack of feeling safe and secure in themselves. It is a profound lack of trust.
I’ve spoken of this before as well. Women who put all of their faith and dependence on men who then made decisions and choices that caused their death and the leaving behind of the women and children who desperately needed their protection from the world. And perhaps even more so, they needed the financial resources that they depended upon receiving from the man they chose to marry. Then along comes the opportunity to work and support themselves. They no longer needed to depend on men to provide for them.
I remember when I was growing up and my mother began to speak to me about going to college and getting an education so that I could support myself if the need arose. This came out of the 2nd wave of feminism that arose in the 60s and 70s. This is the time I was coming of age and moving toward making my own life. To be sure, I was confused. She had never used her college education. She had some college, though she did not graduate. But the truth was that my father supported her and their six children.
I do remember a time in the late 60s and early 70s when they separated for a brief time. At the time, I was told that my father needed to go back to Georgia where there was a greater demand for his skills and he could make the money he needed for the family. That is what I was told. Many years later, my mother confided in me that it was actually a brief separation based on marital difficulties. They reunited and lived together as man and wife until my mother died in February of 2015. They had been married for 64 ½ years. My father passed on December 3rd of that same year. I still grieve the loss.
Anyway, as I thought about it over the years after my mother confided in me, I realized that she may have actually thought about how she would support herself and the five children still living at home without him. And she would have come up short on finances. It would have been impossible. And so it was back then. When you made the life choice to marry, it truly was for the rest of your life and you were dependent on the income your husband provided. Women made better choices when it was life and death like that.
By the time I reached high school, things had changed as far as the advice that some mothers were giving their daughters. Even as the sexual revolution was destroying morality that had been in place throughout history in every civilized society, there was also the invention of birth control and the beginning of what was termed “no fault divorce”. Up until that time, few women wanted a divorce. Things had to be really, really bad. Infidelity or physical abuse had to be proven without doubt. Otherwise, you simply lived with the choice you had made. All women knew this.
When “no fault divorce” arrived, the demise of the feminine role and, indeed, the happiness of women was about to plummet. You see, as with my parents, you had to work out your differences and you were better for it on the other side of the wall that separated to two of you. But with “no fault divorce” all a woman had to do was say “I’m dissatisfied with the relationship”, give a lawyer some money, and it was done. The family was shattered. Personal growth through working through differences was side-stepped. Responsibility for the choice made was side-stepped. And make no mistake. It was the women who made the choice for the marriage. It was the responsibility of the women to make the best choice possible.
Sure, there were romantic ideas and many women made mistakes in who they chose. I speak from experience here. But it was not the fault of the man they chose that they were unhappy. It was their lack of self-knowledge that was to blame. “No fault divorce” made it too easy. Families were destroyed. Women went on welfare and the government began to take the place of the husband in supporting the family. It continues unabated today and has proven to be a disaster.